Jason

Jason on Thursday June 4 went in front of the board at Cornell University to decide if he had earned his Masters. It happened at 2 pm at 515 I got a call and all I heard was Whoop Whoop!!!! Which means my oldest son has a Masters in Math. I am so proud of him. I am proud of all my sons!!!! Jason has always loved Math, since he was a little boy. We counted everything!!!!

GRADES

By most posting you can tell I had a rough semester I ended up with Three A's and one B. The B was hard earned lesson and one I will never forget. Something about making sure I turn papers in on time no matter what and emailing to myself so incase my power gets turned off I will always have a copy. But not bad for old lady!!!!

May I make my brilliant SONS proud???

just another day!!

Hey its been a great sabbath day!! Our wards are changing and I am looking forward to it. Today is Sunday school we talked about the plan of salvation. One of the questions that Bro. Dittmer asked was what is mortal life for?? Everyone in Sunday school talked for a while. But he said he thought of course all the usual answers but he said that it is because we will learn Father will prepare a way for everything. I was thinking if I have the faith and turn it over to him then I will have the desire of marriage. By no means am I not enjoying my life but I am wanting the everyday of marriage. I miss it.

I have been struggling with Do I miss Greg??? I do and always believe that our marriage was suppose to happen and it is eternal. I loved him back when I was 19 and I still do. Is that why I have never thought about remarrying someone else? Back when we were married I know I needed to grow up alot and I always thought the grass was greener on the other side and boy did I find out different? Is Greg just comforted or what? Don't you think we are weird neither one of us has ever married, we talk to each other a couple times a week, and we go out at least once a week. We still do things for eachother. We have learned to respect eachother and our opinions and the fact that we both did wrong things in the marriage. Do I miss him? Is he just a comfort? Do I love him? Am I wanting a impossible thing? I wish I knew?

OVERWHELMED

Its April and I love school. But I find it really overwhelming right now. I am working unbelieveable hours at work and its hard to think about school. I am also doing my internship I love the site. Flanner House its the first african american community center in the state of Indiana its 110 years old. I am having so much fun and its amazing how busy it is. I have missed this. I have not been to 12 step group in along time and just recently Idecided that I need it. just to keep my head straight.

Wow its been along time

The semester is half way over. I am still feeling a little overwhelmed with life right now. But no where as bad as I was. I realized that I can only do so much. So for some reason that has made me feel better. Just the other day I was thinking about my life and what I have seen that are miracles. I know that I have had alot of them in my life. First my sons, with each one I was told never to have more children. Second, I think the biggest one just happened about three years ago. I went back to church. Not only did I go back but I went with my heart and soul in the right place. I learned that the atonement applied to me. That Jesus died for me, unlike before where I thought it was for everyone else except me. I went back because even though I grew up in the church and I tried to forget, I couldn't. I went back because I came to a point where I wanted and needed peace and joy in my life. Through the gospel I have found that. I have been places that the devil would not even go and I lived. I have walked streets that no one has business on but I walked through them. I have been in houses where I have seen things that I can not forget but want to. I have things done to me and allowed things done that I wished never happened. I expose my family to a way of life that I wish I never did. Now I know that I am a better and stronger person because of that path. I would never choose it again ! i love my family, I have empathy for people walking that path, I am kinder because of that path, I know one person can change the world, I know Jesus is the ultimate example of that. He was one person and he changed a whole world. I know I can change the world I live in.

BUSY BUSY TIRED TOO TIRED

I don't know what is wrong with me. I am so tired. I have not been feeling good lately. I have stopped whining about this but my body does not feel right. I have been to my doctor and he ordered a colon test and that was fine except for a pocket. I will be glad when I get some energy. That will be good.

I think...

I think alot sometimes to much.....I know with being sick I know that i do not want to be alone to much longer. I am tired.

I am grateful

There are so many things I am grateful for in my life. But this week I am grateful for doctors and medical technology. I am feeling better. I go tuesday for more testing for the colon. I have more blood testing tomorrow.
I am grateful for friends who have helped me because i am not able to drive. Today is the first day I have actually felt like doing anything. NOt being the superwoman i think I am, I found that I am not able to do everything I think I am. I tired really easy. Which is awful.

OUCH

My back was killing me at work on Friday, I thought I pulled a muscle. Come time for bed and I could not sleep because my right side was killing me along with my back. I tossed and turned. I ended up going to emergency room on Saturday morning. I have a infection in my liver and colon. My blood is showing infection to. Only me! They don't know what caused it but I had to have antibiotic by the IV three different times on Saturday and they send me home with three different types on medication plus two different types of pain med. They said I was really a sick lady. It is not viral but they are not sure what caused it. No one can catch it but they are worried that I may get something else from others. So I am stuck in my house for the next couple of days. I can only sit up for a little at a time before the pain starts up. At least you can touch my side this afternoon without me wanting to punch you. Because I don't take anything the pain medience is knocking me out.

Lets lose the weight

I have been studying alot about motivation because I want to learn to love exercise and to lose weight. I decided to applies the 12 steps to this process and weight watchers. But last night I was reading a site where it gave 9 ways to get motivated about losing weight.
1. Why do you want to lose weight
tell your self that reason over and over
2. Set deadlines then reward your self.
reward your self with movies, books ( not food)
3. Set deadlines and then punish yourself if you dont meet that goal
example: no tv ( Ireally liked this one)
4. Change your attitude
make it life or death
5. Post a picture everywhere
one now and one way back when you looked like you want to
6. Use "Yeah, Right" as a moviation.
Like how many times have we said we want to lose weight
7. Remember CBA
CONCIEVE yourself losing weight
BELIEVE you can do it
ACHIEVE the goal
8. Let nothing stop you
9. DO IT
I have read over and over these and they apply to every thing in my life? For every goal just not losing weight. How many times have i made a goal then about a month into I have forgot the reason I am doing it.

I hate treadmills

I always hate the thought of making goals for the new year. I am such a failure at keeping them. I often feel that my eyes are bigger then my stomach. That is the way I feel about New Year goals. But there are couple that I have to do to keep my life as peaceful as it is.
1. Study the Book of Mormon
2. Exercise because I want to lose weight but I HAVE TO FOR MY HEALTH.(its not a choice)

So Dad and Mom gave me Grandma Scotts old tape player with cassettes of the Book of Mormon, New Testament, and Doctrine and Covenant. So I have to exercise and I have a great unused treadmill so now I have been listening to the tapes and walking. I have to do this.
In my life I have done some really bad things, like the drugs and much more in the process I have hurt my health. Mainly my lungs which I have burned from the chemicals in the crack. I have really hurt my liver. My liver enzymes are really high and the doctors are concerned. My lungs are worst. I want to be able to live as long as i possible can. Just for the record exercising is my hardest thing.

Jessica you are wonderful

I finally went over to Moms. I got one last Christmas present in the mail on Monday. ITS MY FAVORITE!!! My niece Jessica is attending Art school and she is 13. She painted my a picture of a stone angel.

I am so blessed to have such a talented niece. The best present ever. Thank you Jessica.